iris

-this dog is by no means house trained but n. likes to spend time teaching her ridiculous things like "give kisses" and "moonwalk" (not a lot of progress being made on that last one)
-being the middle spoon between a dog and a dude is pretty good too
-dog doesn't really know how to lie down without dropping her body on the floor like a dead weight and it is funny
-n is a really good dog training buddy. when i am in the yard crying because the dog just ripped open the bag i collected her poop into, n. is all "it's so nice to see you, geraldine!" and sends me off to read books
-spent yesterday afternoon on the porch in a t-shirt with husserl and the puppy
-spent all weekend with husserl actually. i don't know if h. is getting better at describing the epoche or if i am getting smarter from reading about the same thing in three different books but it is minimally more engaging
-if not for 30 rock breaks and coffee i am not sure i would be alive right now
-no second job has meant lots of extra reading time that i am so happy to have
-cooking lots of curries and drinking special curry beer with ferrio.
-dog school car pool?

+ visited puppies especially one special puppy
+ puppies sleeping on yr shoulder
+ long drives are perfect for talking
+ really wonderful talks about school around molly's kitchen table
+ walking into the only and feeling so happy about it
+ spontaneous running-into-friends immediately!
+ making new friends with nick's very oldest friend
+ feminist chats with beer
+ night kitchen! love.
+ spill sleepovers & my first shower in two months
+ van veen's delicious breakfast
+ meaghs in a dress! karen! caren! des! gretchen!
+ whispering sweet nothings into a baby's ear
+ yarn shopping
+ best coffee, dreams of beans, shane is the world's best hugger
+ busting jes looking at photo of burly firefighter holding a baby @ natas
+ bought much-needed new pair of pants
+ visited with jesses at HYS, best customer stories ever
+ sushi!
+ drinking champagne & getting ready at jes's & telling period horror stories & painting my nails with holly
+ gillian immediately recognizing me as edie at the moho
+ so many friends in one room!
+ denim & leather = so many sexy manthighs
+ the burning hell are awesome
+ dancing with my friends is awesome, too
+ city lights A+
+ afterparty with bffs A++: airplane, ass contest, huge cuddle, chocolate blood, denim onesie, walking in on a game of spin the bottle to find the bottle pointed at me, teasing my emo guitar-playing friends, so much cuddling, men with beards attempted makeouts
+ spooning with jes
+ second shower in two months, this time with shampoo
+ running into nick at the only after totally losing him the night before
+ finding out that i had spent my extra hour partying in order to resolve the tipsy "that clock says five am but my cell phone only says four am" quandry i had been having
+ sharon caldwell!
+ impromptu arthur story meeting
+ checking out shawn's enormous new truck
+ visits with dan and katie, for now still my favourite dog ever
+ free pumpkiny drinks, running into all my best friends all over again
+ tiny visit to jungle cat world
+ nick, improbably, is able to fit football and wings into his sunday afternoon drive home
+ grocery buying with a car
+ cozy baths
+ reading about puppies

Somehow, I have a cold AGAIN! Hmm.

enough whining about how grad school's drudgery is not fulfilling my OMGMULTIFACETED NEEDS. If I am not: seeing friends, watching bands, eating tasty food, playing with the cat, and dancing a lot, I am failing myself. That is not grad school's fault, that is my fault.

ROCK OUT DUDER.

I have been looking at this website today & it is interesting to me. I get so wary of things that I think perpetuate fatphobic attitudes but I think this stays just on the right side of my fucked-up-politics-ometer. I suspect it is run by some big company but have not succeeded in finding out who.

I like what it says though about having compassion for yourself. I am really wary of this concept too in that "omgwhiteladies are so the most important!" kind of way. But I think that these skills, of being happy about your bod, are vital because they mean that we can relate to other people without projecting our shit onto them. So. I am thinking about doing that.

In that same vein, I am going to remember to high five myself about what I get done rather than stress out about what I am not done yet.

Today:

-rescheduled doctor appointment, paid bills, got rent paid, interviewed dude about indoor gardening, did some reading, did the dishes, had a really great bath, helped a student, got some groceries, helped N. edit his paper, put some birthday stuff in the mail, ordered tickets to a show. This does not sound like a ton but trust me, it was.

Other good things:
-nearly have all the stuff to make vietnamese iced coffee
-books coming in the mail. Books for school that I want to read. I am so stoked about that. Also books that are for before bed and not for school at all.
-had friends of friends staying over this weekend; Nick and I walking into our house to find a group of happy people was pretty special

hello.

things that return happy and calm and productive to my hyperventilating body, regardless of MA seminar happenings:

-listening to records really loud
-lots of coffee
-nail polishing
-sitting with the cat
-reading novels
-cooking & eating
-makin' out
-new shoes
-watching music
-helping people out
-yoga
-movies!
-talking to julia and/or other nice people
-beer!
-going dancing
-talking to my mom & dad
-learning about activisty stuff
-thinking about gretchen fawn & her magical powers
-thinking about ptbo for halloween
-fruit!
-thinking about tattoos
-listening to beyonce
-remembering about how i am a really lucky person
-making crafts
-remembering that i tried really hard to get myself into this mess in the first place

+ okay, starting to forget that things other than school even exist. which is good because you don't have to think about how you miss doing them.

+ so much cooking today. in the "race against perishables" i used my scheduled study breaks to chop vegetables. put all sorts of things that were looking a little bit less than fresh into some soup:
--one butternut squash & onion & ginger, some celery, some spinach, an apple, some garlic.

+ also i made guacamole from scratch today for the first time ever. i used to hate avocado with a passion & now i consistently crave it. it was pretty lime-y but good.

+ i wish I got to do more CSWIP things but everything i went to was pretty bad-ass. and everyone was nice to each other! i have never witnessed a more supportive question period. i realized that the courses i am taking are so "back to basics" in that "here is the cannon of philosophy! learn everything!" kind of way. but that i really do love feminist philosophy with my whole heart. i wish there was a course in that! oh well.

+ talks should always happen in art galleries. nothing like having an hour or so to stare at paintings.

+ feminist philosophers all have really great asymmetrical haircuts (and great shoes!) also they are very cool people.

+ hanging out with lauren & comparing siamese cats. hers is nicer but mine is not crazy.

+ knowing that although october is OFFICIALLY FUCKING CRAZY, december is coming. & also i can feel myself getting smarter. hopefully it is smart enough.

+ i now work for my second student newspaper. who knows when i will sleep? anyway i think they feel like i am a really talented journalist (ha!) but i guess i have to prove it. i think i get to root out bad journalism everywhere tho, and for that i am thankful.

+ buying groceries is great as is not going into new debt for the ma. sleep though is elusive. so elusive.

+ opening the curtains to make a sunny spot on the bed for the cat. she looks disdainfully at me and stays put tho next time i am in the room i catch her sprawled out in a sunbeam. she is 13 now and you can tell. teenagers! geez!

+ lunches at home = scrambled eggs with salsa and cheese, hippie toast, plums, all on a flowery vintage plate

+ study breaks = makin' out breaks.

+ no shower in the house = bathtub, scented candles, ridiculous bruce springsteen tape playing really loud, swishing my hair around in the tub like an idiot

+ reading in your pajamas

+ i applied to this job @ the ontarion to copy edit, they responded that they want to consider me for a writing position instead (also?) this is flattering.

+ MING IS HERE! Yay! I was trying to wait until the house got perfect before we brought her but I realized I don't want a perfect house, I just want my cat back. Sitting with Jenny's kitten for hours last weekend did me in completely. Right now she is not v. excited about her new surroundings, but hopefully soon she will be back to driving me crazy & trying to sit in front of my computer as I type.

+mom & dad came to visit. We went to the market & bought donuts and fruit and corn. We went to the cornerstone and I ate an enormous breakfast. We wandered around and looked at antiques and books. Mom & I went grocery shopping and we went to a fancier store and she paid. They said to me "it's exactly one month today since we saw you last!" It is cute that they know that stuff. I really like being able to see them semi-often. They are kinda cool people. Reilly didn't come though. Boo!

+had so much fun at the philosophy party yesterday. At Trent, philosophy people in general are not cool and also not people you would want to socialize with. I feel extremely lucky to know so many really fun really brilliant really good looking people already. It is great to party with people in the department until one in the morning. Next time we have to figure out how to get booze for free though.

+Laura and I have a Monday evening study plan that is making me so happy.

+I have begun to get that itchy feeling when I haven't done any reading lately. Not that anxious "Oh I am a terrible procrastinator" feeling, but the one that comes from deep down inside your body and tells you that you have not satisfied its philosophy craving for the day. I am hoping to let that feeling take over.

+You know, Nick is a really fun person to cook dinner with and hang out with and I am glad I get to do that.

+woke up and guzzled a bunch of orange juice (it IS nice to have food in your house, i am discovering!)
+listened to fleetwood mac on the tapedeck in our bathroom
+went to farmer's market, bought donuts
+came home & ate donuts with a big glass of milk in my underwear with someone very special
+went to OOTS volunteer meeting! fulfilling my sadleir-house-library-by-proxy dreams
+came home & pulled my blanket & sunglasses & a book out & laid it on the lawn. view: book-blanket-grass-garden-river-church. it IS nice to have a back yard, i am discovering, especially one like this. it is nice to have gardener neighbours.)

plans for the rest of the evening: dinner with new friends, karaoke, going to bed early. plans for tomorrow: nothing substantial whatsoever. hurrah!